All of us here have had their fair share of experiences with relationships, in whatever capacity. Whether you’ve been lucky enough to be in one or even just seen and observed those in your circle be involved in a relationship. We know that the level of responsibility and commitment that is bestowed on us when we’re in a relationship is second to none.
Cheating considered to be a taboo all around the world, but why? Every now and then we see well-adjusted couples go their separate ways once the word ‘cheating’ starts popping up in their dinner table conversations. Why is it such a treacherous parasite? Can’t it be mistaken as a lapse in judgement? Well, just as with any other dilemma, plenty of different viewpoints exist out there.
But this one’s loyalty sways towards those who are more often than not the victims; women. Since the beginning of time and after several research papers being published on the matter, we can safely say that women are generally considered more loyal than men. Because in those moments of indecision, their hearts are pure. However, men have this universal problem of forgetting what they signed up for. We’ll be looking at a few reasons related to why men actually cheat and should women just forgive them? Here goes nothing!
Why you shouldn’t give a second chance
1) You won’t be able to forget about it completely
No matter how many times he apologises you will never be able to look at him the same way you did. Even if he has your heart and knows how to pull the strings, you might forgive him but forgetting is a different ordeal altogether. For you, he was a constant pillar of trust in the life you had carved up for yourself.
When that pillar falls, it is extremely difficult to put the pieces back together and fix it. I’m not saying it is bound to happen again, but once your subconscious has been tingled its going to keep meddling with your thoughts and feelings. That’s why it’s better to take your time and then decide, without being caught up in his apologies.
2)Taking him back is the easier option
A cheating scandal in a relationship is probably the most devastating worry. Once you catch the scent of it, there’s no way it can be curtailed solemnly. It mostly ends in doors smashing, hearts breaking and lots of crying on one side.
Women have generally softer hearts, they like to believe in the concept of love and fighting for it. So they usually end up forgiving their partners in hope that their dreams aren’t shattered. That’s not being strong, that’s actually being weak.
You lose sight of your real worth and you’re forced on the back foot for the entire duration of the relationship.
3) He will never respect you again
If a guy has cheated on you once, it means that he doesn’t fully respect the bond between you two. That bond is the backbone of your relationship. That means he could not control his urges enough to respect the bond he built with you.
And once you forgive him of his sins, he will use that as leeway for his future miscellaneous activities. You will always be holding on to something that was. I’m sure some people are mentally strong enough to handle that pressure but those people are known to be the least of the lot.
4)Cheating is the symptom, not the illness
If you’re thinking that the problem lies in the situation, well think again. It lies in the already prevailing conditions of the relationship. Fine, he went out partying and cheated on you with some random chick but why did he do it? That is the illness.
Cheating just sheds light on the underlying problems that exist in the relationship, which are being ignored. Does the problem lie with him completely? Is there a problem with the way you treat him? Or is there an even worse issue regarding your relationship? These are the real issues.
5)You could be risking your health
Let’s say you think you made the right decision by forgiving him. You forget about it altogether and begin to trust him again. He, too begins to work on the relationship or at least pretends to. You never quite know for sure though. You stand at risk of catching diseases. I’m not talking about the common cold or the flu here.
I’m talking about hardcore STDs. If he’s cheated on you once, what’s to stop him from cheating on you again as long as he’s a really good con artist. It’s better for you to realize and keep tabs on him just to be sure he’s not sleeping around.
Why he should get a second chance
1) It was a momentary lapse in judgement
See, we’re humans. We’re bound to make mistakes. Sometimes those mistakes end up costing someone else more than they cost us but we still make them. I’m not going to sit here and defend the idea of cheating.
I mean we all know how wrong it is. But is it really unforgivable? Can’t it be dealt with like a mistake and ignored, like we ignore all others? Men are sometimes weaker than women when it comes to living up to their promises.
If a man cheats, that doesn’t mean there’s no love for you in his heart, it might mean that he was too caught up in the moment to realise or he might have been under the influence. He might actually spend days and nights regretting it.
2) You won’t forgive yourself if you don’t give it another shot
Nobody wants to see all of their hard work in sweat, blood and tears go to waste. Just like that a relationship is like a home that you build for yourself, with little tiny rooms and big rooms for all the phenomenon that exist in a relationship. Building this from scratch requires lots of effort, hard work and tears.
You will never want all of that to go to waste. If you don’t give him a second chance you won’t be able to live past it. Your mind will always keep asking you “What if?” That seed of doubt is enough to plant a dangerous tree of regret.
3) You were on a break
Remember the whole Ross-Rachel thing on the sitcom ‘Friends’? Ross ended up cheating on Rachel when both of them were technically in effect on a break. Rachel didn’t seem to accept it. But if you look at it, a break is a break. If you’re on a break it means both of you want to spend some time away from each other and explore different avenues. If you’re going to be a sour puss about him going out with his girlfriends or cheating on you, you might as well not go for the break at all in the first place. Once you’re on a break the rules of the relationship don’t apply temporarily. That might be his coping mechanism, who knows? So, it would be better to not go on a break at all if you can’t accept the fact that he’s entering the market again.
4) The cheater is actually sorry
Once in a million lightyears you might find that one guy who is genuinely apologetic about his cheating behavior and realizes the mistake that he has made. Yes, that tends to happen at times. I mean we can generalize men all we want but some of them are genuinely good-hearted whose mistakes deserve to be overlooked at least once.
I won’t say all men deserve this treatment but those who haven’t left behind a line of broken hearts are definitely not worth the hatred we generally throw towards men. The saying ‘men are dogs’, no matter how controversial, does exist and apply to many but not all.
5) You’re a lover at heart
If you’ve always lived a life full of fantasies about love and companionship, your heart is a genuinely loving one. You’re a lover at heart. That means come what may, you will make sure that love conquers all evils.
You need that sort of mentality in a relationship especially when you’re trying to rid yourself of the parasite that is cheating. Ideally, you’re the one who would do most of the fighting to keep the relationship alive and running. But such people are a good influence on their partners. After the cheating debacle, your partner might actually begin to learn from you and understand you better.
So we’ve discussed cheating in full detail today. Obviously, everyone has their own solidified opinion about such controversial issues but we’ve focused on both sides today. At the end of the day all we want is to spread love and not hate. In an ideal world we would want all the relationships or couples in our society to live together in peace and harmony rather than keep stressing over issues like cheating.