If you are in a long-term relationship, your sex life is bound to experience certain ups and downs. However what is important is to not be too much disheartened by the downs and make use of the ‘ups’ to have more and more ups in your relationship. We asked the marriage counselor and therapist Rachesl Susman the major reasons for the dwindling of passions in a long term relationship.
Following are the five most common reasons which lead towards difficulties rekindling love and desire in the bedroom.
1. The sex drive is not on the same frequency
If you have a partner who equally shares your enthusiasm for sex then you are amongst the fortunate ones. However more often than not there is a definite mismatch in the sex drive of both the partners where one is seen as sexually active and want to engage in love making more often while the other want to engage in the act way less and even not that much if they can help it.
For this Dr.Sussman first try to work on the partner who has a lower sex drive. As there are several ways to increase one’s sex drive and also if certain factors like stress and work are addressed they might have an increase in their sex drive.
Another approach is to work with partner whose sex drive is higher and make them manage their expectation out of the bedroom and be more patient with their partner.
2. The couple is living a sexless marriage
In this situation Dr. Sussman made an interesting observation and that is the fact that couples really want to break the deadlock and be once more passionate with each other. It is not as though they are happy with no sex, there is a definite urge.
Due to this reason she takes her patients back down the memory lane when they were in their initial phase of the relationship. She would make them answer questions like how much time did they engage in lovemaking and what kind of sex they were into.
If it seems they used to have an active sex life she tries to investigate the variable that might have changed: for example there might be on spouse cheating on other or it may be stress. However once these variables are addressed and dealt with the couple do find their groove in the bed room once again.
3. The relationship is devoid of the once fiery passion
It is understandable to grow weary of each other in a long-term relationship especially with regard to lovemaking in the bed. To sustain the passion in a long-term relationship Dr. Sussman recommends getting creative with each other.
She often refers love marriage couples those marriages which are arranged in order to illustrate that it is not always necessary to have a passion at an all-time high.
There do come highs and lows and both the partners should work around those differences and try to come together.
4. One’s sexual fantasies are too much for the other to handle
One partner may have a certain sexual fantasy but they are too shy to say it out loud. Or if they have shared it with their partner they have been immediately shunned. In this case both should understand each other’s temperament and be as accommodating as possible.
5. Open relationships are not on the table
Couples often become tired of each other and they might look for someone else for an exciting date night. These are the couples referred to as having several lovers while also being in a long-term relationship. According to Dr.Sussman couples are not even planning on having an open relationship but they just consider it as an option for communication.