How to Deal with the Pain That Comes in Different Stages of Love

Have you ever wondered what the real cause of heartbreak is? Why that is something as beautiful as love, hurts so much. Let’s dive into the reasons of what causes this.

Love takes us higher, but the higher we go, the harder we fall also. There have been years and years of poets writing about the same thing. How love is the reason one should be alive, and the intricate beauty of It all – but at the same time how painful it is. Someone who has a habit and liking to be in love, they thoroughly enjoy being in and out of love – because it’s the natural thing to do.
But we all know it’s amazing to fall in love, but falling out is not quite as beautiful and easy as we imagined it to be.

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Something that gives us wings to fly and in a moment burns us to the ground. In a second our world can come crashing down.
So why do we feel what we feel when we are in love? And why is it that it hurts like a b**** when it’s over. Time and time again we think we are more experienced and we will handle it in a better way, we find ourselves crying on the bathroom floor feeling like someone stabbed us with a 100 swords.

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Why can love end up being so painful?

Love is a feeling, just like we feel temperature.

It is not something tangible, or something that we can hold in our hands or see. It is not like snow that we would feel it fall on our shoulders or grasp the snowflakes with our hands.

But much like starvation or sleep, our brain experiences it.

When we experience physical pain, it is our brain trying to tell us that something has gone wrong, or something in the body has gotten damaged. It is sending pain signals. It is not just that, but it is also a way of our brain of punishing us and warning that we should be more careful or cautious next time.

And similar to that, love hurts in the same manner. Our brain is telling us that there has been some damage. And something has gone wrong.

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Here is a list of reasons why love makes us hurt way more than any physical injury

Now just because it is not physical pain does not mean it does not hurt as much. Emotional pain can end up hurting way more and for a longer duration than a broken leg. Some people would prefer a broken leg rather than getting a heart break. It is not just love, but other interconnected emotions add up way more. So to make it easier for our readers, we listed down all the emotions that are interconnected to our pain and making our heartbreak even worse.

1. Emotion of Fear

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2. Wrath of anger

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3. Feeling of helplessness

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4. Drowning in loneliness

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5. Green with Jealousy

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The Dark Side of Love
History of man tells us that since humans started to live in groups rather than on their own, they got wired in a certain way to interact and be socially dependent. And due to this reason, humans discovered the bond of attachment. When a strong, close-knit bond starts to go towards the dark side, the detachment of it starts to threaten the mind and body. All the alarm signals go off.

Sticking around in a relationship gone bad hurts more. If something that is happening consistently and over a period of time, it is way more stressing and takes a toll on you. It is much like how drop by drop you form an ocean; it is always better to rip it off like a band-aid.

You lose focus as you overthink about those little things. It is very hard to concentrate on the important things in life, and it gets harder and harder to cope with day to day activities.

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You feel like a failure in front of the society. When you are going through a rough patch in your relationship and your relationship is not working out, you feel like a failure. Vulnerability takes over you, and to a large extent, you start to lose hope.

It is not the work of love alone that makes you go through so much pain; it is all these other added things that pile up and lead you to feel the gut-wrenching pain that you do. It will grow to make you more miserable.

What adds to heartbreak when
you are going through it?
Your relationship falling apart can cause all these other emotions to be triggered. Everyone tries to cope in their ways and manners, but we don’t realize that a few of the things we do in a desperate need to fix the pain we feel. But what we end up doing is making it worse for us.

It is never a good idea to isolate yourself and try to get over things on your own.

Making ourselves feel more pain by constantly replaying the bad relationship in our head and reliving the nightmare over and over again.

Getting wastes is not a great idea either, being drunk will make you do stupid things, and all you will end up with is a hangover and lots of regrets.

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Trying to cling to your ex-lover with you Gollum hands even though you are not getting any response from their side.

You refuse you move on even when you have the chance, and you know there is no other way around it.

There is a certain kind of twisted satisfaction one gets out of making themselves feel more miserable and feel sorry for themselves. One needs to make a genuine effort to make things right and feel better.

A heartbreak forms a physical nature

Research backs up the claim that a heartbreak starts to take a physical form. A psychologist by the name of Ethan Kross from the University of Michigan researched on people who were going through a break-up. They had their brain scans were done which showed that it was similar to the experience of pain physically endured.

Not all injuries and illnesses are in your face, for everyone to see. Internal wounds can be of different natures. Our brain experiences and sees the pain of a physical injury and that of heartbreak as the same.

There isn’t a sure shot solution out there that you will follow like a ritual and get better. There is no medicine for it out there. You can try to keep yourself distracted and busy, try to run away from it – but that will not last a very long time. There needs to be a processing time and to mentally deal with it.

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Rebounds are not really a very good idea, but it surely is a short-term solution. Same chemical reactions will be induced by being with someone else, and it will fill your mind with the thoughts of a new person. Your pleasure centers will be triggered that way, but make sure you are ready to move on and not confused about what you are doing because that way you will just end up hurting another person.

Different Stages of Heartbreak
and How to Manage the Pain
Every other year your definition of love keeps evolving. What you thought love was 5 years ago is not the same. And how you should do things differently the next time around. What is love exactly? In simple terms, it’s a process. It starts with falling for a person and at times realizing that it was not a wise move and to start falling out of it. It is not something that lasts forever. It is something that is in passing and fluctuates. It comes and goes; now you just have to decide whether it is worth sticking to and bringing it back and maintaining it or not.

The 6 different stages are:
1. What is love? Is this love?

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Perception is beauty, and not everything is beautiful for everyone. So what your idea of love is might not be someone else’s. So the first thing you have to do is find someone who is on the same wavelength as you. Secondly, you have been through emotional trauma, and you need to deal with it rather than pretending everything is fine or even worse taking that emotional baggage to someone else.

There is a lot of chance that the person you like might not be that into you. And you have to deal with rejection also. You do not want to end up in a situation that looks like ‘unrequited love.’

2. When you realize you are falling in love.

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There is always some pain that is linked to love, that you got from your previous experiences. And you can’t instantly get rid of it; it takes time and realization. You need to know not to let your new love be destroyed by your past experiences. The feelings a person feels is because of certain chemicals being released in the brain. So you need to get your science right before you make sense of it and manage it in accordance.

3. You decide that you making it a ‘couple thing.’

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The third step to this is how your love starts to develop and build, so you move towards the commitment of sorts. Be it a relationship, or being a couple officially. But what is important is that you keep learning and be patient. You grow together and be mature about the whole thing. The key is to understand how they function and what has molded them into the human beings that they are now.

4. How could I ever love this person?

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It happened so fast and naturally that there was no stopping it. And at a point when it starts to go bad you realize that you made a mistake and you start to rethink and re-evaluate everything. This is the painful process because all your efforts have gone to waste. And you do not see the partner in a good light. You are not comfortable with the flaws that you see in them and not ready to put up with them.

5. It all ends.

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You thought this was it, you had found the love of your life – but that thought shatters like glass. And now you have to detach yourself from it. It is a really sad process, and you have a lot of processing and coping to do.

6. You are single!

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You finally resolve your issues and realize you are in a much better place, you cope up and pick up the broken pieces. And get back in the game. You learn a lot of things from it and find ways of truly loving yourself. Because if you can’t love yourself, you can’t love anyone else.

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