Here Are 8 Healthy Steps To Cope with Your Partner’s Anger

Anger is a basic human emotion and everyone from time to time bears its brunt and so will you and your partner. However, how you handle your partner’s feelings will have an impact on your relationship. For better or worse that is up to you. Here are some ways you can cope with your partner’s anger:

1. Do Not Take It Personally

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Most of the times the anger of your partner or child has nothing to do with you. It is about some of their underlying feelings that due to being bottled up come out in the form of anger. Trying to think rationally at this point and understanding that their feelings are not directed or due to you take a high level of emotional intelligence which you are required to reach.

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Most of the times the anger of your partner or child has nothing to do with you. It is about some of their underlying feelings that due to being bottled up come out in the form of anger. Trying to think rationally at this point and understanding that their feelings are not directed or due to you take a high level of emotional intelligence which you are required to reach.

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One of the ways, in order to not make it personal, is questioning why is this person angry? Instead of instantly becoming defensive try to find out the root cause of their lashing out. It will remove your focus from yourself and lead you to discover the raw emotion hidden behind that person’s behavior.

2. Do Not Tell Them To Calm Down

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Nothing will make things worse than discrediting other person’s feelings. Often when couples fight and one partner is angry, the other will them to calm down or tell them they are overreacting. It makes the other person and does nothing to diffuse the tension. Instead, now they feel like you are not even honoring their feelings.

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The goal should not be to change your partner’s behavior or to distract them from their feelings. It should be to communicate and try to understand their feelings. By doing so, some of your partner’s anger will automatically diffuse and the primary emotion will rise to the surface, making you better able to solve the root cause. Knowing that they are being heard will develop a stronger bond of trust between you two.

3. Identify The Obstacle

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The cause of anger is often an obstacle blocking a goal or unmet expectations. For example, if your partner wanted to feel special on their birthday but things did not go how they wanted them to, it may cause them to flare up.

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It is best to sit down and identify the obstacle to get an insight into why your partner is angry. It might turn out that you can remove the obstacle or solve the problem which will make your partner let go of their anger instantly.

4. Understand The Root Cause Of Anger

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Anger is often used as a secondary emotion to mask the actual, raw vulnerable, overwhelming feeling that a person may be feeling. For example under your partner’s anger may be sheer exhaustion, the feeling of not being good enough for you or guilt for something they did behind your back which they hide under the pretense of anger. The person often him/herself is not aware that they are protecting themselves from another emotion like shame through anger.

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Understanding that anger is a protector of raw, deeper set emotions can be the key to salvaging your relationship. It can lead to honest and healing conversations which allow couples to understand one another.

5. Identify Possible Triggers

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Be responsible and reflect on your actions after an argument. Try to figure out what exactly triggered that behavior in your partner. And also find out about what triggers you to behave that way, the more aware you become the more constructively you can deal with these situations.

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If you realize that somehow you played a role in escalating the argument, take responsibility and acknowledge your actions. This will de-escalate the situation immediately and also make your partner realize their part in the argument.

6. Address The Situation When Your Partner Is Calm

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You can have good intentions but if you address things at the wrong time, it can blow up in your face. When your partner is angry or agitated, their reasoning abilities are impaired. At this time, there is little point in addressing the issue because their response will be governed by their anger. Allow them to settle down and become calm before you approach the subject as they will be more rational then.

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When you feel like both of you are calm in a stable state of mind, only then address the issue of your partner’s anger. They will be more open to discussion and understanding. Keep your feelings while dealing with with the issue in check too. If you become angry in turn you may say or do the wrong thing that can make things even worse.

7. De-escalate And Neutralize

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It is possible that your partner will become defensive and uncooperative when angry, as most people tend to do. It is unproductive to become angry as a response to their anger instead waiting for them to calm down. The calmer you remain, the quicker they will cool down.

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Try to de-escalate the situation immediately in this way before things get more intense and you both say or do something hurtful to each other.

8. Try To Influence Not Control

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Instead of focusing on how to ‘change’ your partner for the better, try to influence them with your good behavior. If you handle the situation with compassion and understanding everytime they become angry they will see the error of their ways and try to handle their emotions well.

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When you treat your partner with affection and empathy they will become closer to you and reciprocate the same feelings towards you.

Handling your partner when they are at their worst will only strengthen your relationship and make them more appreciative of you.

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